Wexistential Crises, Wayward Thoughts, Welcome Distractions and Willful Pursuits

Guy in Relationship with Kids Has So Much To Give Emotionally, Romantically and Sensually

with 4 comments

Received through a social networking site:

Hi. Thanks for the time for at least reading my letter. I read your profile and you struck me as an interesting person.

I’ll be honest with you from the start about my status. I’m in a relationship right now but because there are people involved, I am choosing to remain in it even if my heart has no longer been in it for the longest time. I guess you can say life has dealt with me a 2nd best scenario if I can even call it that.

But I have so much to give emotionally speaking and, yes, romantically speaking as well. In my heart there is this void that has been there for quite a while now, and I must say I long to fill it up with the right person, someone who will accept my status and decide to pursue a relationship with me just the same. I have little demands given my situation. I only ask for time together when both of our schedules allow it. She may want to be exclusive with me or otherwise. I certainly have not the right to demand. I only ask that she be clean and safe at all times as I am, too.

About myself. I’m [full name], 35, about 5’7, 150 lbs., kind of chinito, very decent person, easy to get along with, good conversationalist, can make you at ease in less than 30 seconds even when you meet him for the first time…about the sensual stuff : well, modesty aside, I do know how to please a woman in the sack. As in really please her any way she likes, no matter how long she likes it, and how many times she wants it per occasion. I guess I have all kinds of stamina and desire and passion when it comes to that.

So how about we throw caution to the wind and explore what is there in store for us? We have nothing to lose but the time and effort to at least see what is there, right? At the very least, you can gain a friend, right? (even if that ends up as just the platonic variety…)

If you are interested, you can write me at [e-mail address] or reach me through [cellphone number]. I can only be reached through my cellphone from Mondays to Fridays, office hours, for obvious reasons. I leave it at the office when I go home 😦

Of course, if you are not interested, just ignoring this message is a clear enough message. So you need not lift a finger and reply in the negative. 😦

I asked him why he felt compelled to stay in the relationship if he wasn’t happy. He replied that it’s because he and his girlfriend have kids and he wants them to have “a normal family life at least during their formative years.” He said he was “making a personal sacrifice” by seeking liaisons outside of his relationship instead of just breaking it off. In which regard he hoped I was “open to explore a mutually gratifying relationship, however possible.”

As noble as I’m sure he thinks that is, IMHO he’s not really doing anyone any favors. He’s not being fair to himself, his girlfriend or the women he’ll be pursuing. He can still be a responsible father to his children without maintaining the relationship charade with their mother. Sounds to me like he’s just too spineless to break it off.

Of course, I don’t even know this guy and it’s not my place to judge. It’s just for some reason his predicament bothers me more than the fact that he propositioned me. He came off as kind of sleazy but unlike most of the guys who hit on me this way, I think he’s sincerely looking for more than just sex.


Written by Aissa

March 24, 2009 at 4:19 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Well, at least he’s… honest.

    And boy, you get the weirdest mail 😉


    March 25, 2009 at 5:46 pm

  2. Apparently, this is known as the “all-cards-on-the-table” approach. I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work but I think women are supposed to be won over by the guy’s “honesty” and “sensitivity”.

    Does that say something about me? Wait, don’t answer that.


    March 27, 2009 at 9:34 pm

  3. No, there is a misconception here – it’s not just the act of laying all cards on the table that should win us over. They have to be GOOD CARDS.


    April 1, 2009 at 8:03 am

  4. I think the allure of this approach is supposed to be the combination of an honest, responsible guy and a hidden “bad boy” side. It invites you to take a trip on the wild side supposedly with no strings attached, with the inferred additional incentive of eventually having a more meaningful committed relationship once you outgrow the lure of the wild side (and the children have grown out of their “formative years”) SUPPOSEDLY.

    But I disagree that he’s being unfair to HIMSELF as well. For he’ll surely be hurting everyone else — the children, the women he’ll be pursuing, and his girlfriend. (Even if she is just in the relationship for the children just as he claims he is, she’ll still surely feel some hurt, c’mon!) But he himself will have the best of both worlds.

    I don’t think he is really making any “personal sacrifice” if he has the gall to write such a letter. Isn’t it we all try to maintain some peace by being in relationships that are not always full of hope (Can you say “workmates”? Or maybe “relatives”?) But in what world would having an affair and deceiving your partner, instead of breaking things off, be deemed as a “personal sacrifice”?

    If anything, this guy is gifted with twisting truths, facts and insights to serve his purpose…making a sleazy, self-serving proposition seem like a noble, personal sacrifice. He’s probably a lawyer…


    April 26, 2009 at 6:20 am

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