Wexistence

They’re both overrated.

This image has nothing to do with the post. I just thought it was hilarious.

Am I the only female whose ovaries didn’t explode with rapture upon reading Ashton Kutcher’s diatribe on romance in the digital age?

The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate, means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, “This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

I love receiving letters but I don’t see hand-written ones as necessarily superior to electronic ones. If it’s written from the heart, the content of the letter won’t change whether it’s typed on a screen or written on paper. I’m more interested in the message rather than the medium.

I can’t be wooed with paper, penmanship, or perfume. A hand-written letter from someone with a weak grasp of language and not much to say for himself will not make me swoon. But a thoughtful, well-composed text message from someone who can turn a phrase will make me go weak in the knees.

Willingness to show vulnerability is great, but I’d much prefer that a guy show me his vulnerability by opening up to me, by sharing with me his fears and dreams and innermost thoughts, rather than by presenting me with grammatical and spelling errors. You don’t need the latter to express the former. “Your beautiful” says to me that you are sweet, vulnerable and unable to tell the difference between a contraction and a possessive pronoun. In my eyes, that makes you significantly less appealing. Good grammar and proper spelling are sexy.

I think the problem with romance in the digital age is not so much that people have neglected old-fashioned forms of communication, but that despite the abundance of available communication tools, people are still not very good at communicating.

On the front page today:

(Click to read full article)

See, I’m a big fan of Facebook/Twitter/the internet in general! Who says I don’t appreciate the power of new media?

“Don’t want to fight for a feeling… We need a better kinder dreaming… Don’t need another fool, a faker… Be a mover and a shaker.” – Matthew Herbert, The Movers And The Shakers

Facebook responses to my previous post (sans the Ako Mismo drama because that just went on way too long)

CyberPatriot1:

Enough said about SLACKTIVISM…just do what needs to be done…at the right time, CyberPatriots will just rise up to situation when they are most needed…as far as i know, meron pupuntahan ang Filipino CyberPatriots Society!

CyberPatriot2:

@CyberPatriot1.. I am with you.. when the time is ripe… as I can see more hardships for the future generation now… we have to do something even if it will cost our lives!

Me:

“Often enough, if you just lived for country, you need not die for it.” (Conrado de Quiros, True Measure)

Ryan:

I have no doubt that many of us would be willing to put our lives on the line for our country.

However, the time for that is not now. I feel sometimes like the democratic action that took place during the original EDSA has created a nation of “war veterans” that no longer have a war to fight. Like old soldiers, old rallyists still insist on waging a war that no longer exists. Do we live in a corrupt country? Yes. Are we on the verge of collapse due to a violent dictatorship? Hardly.

We exist in a limbo where I honestly believe that the better action to take is to put down your figurative swords and find areas or causes that you want to support with concrete measures. WorldVision, Habitat for Humanity, Gawad Kalinga, Greenpeace, WWF, Haribon, take your pick. There are many ways for you to contribute beyond the pressing of a button to join what is in essence a virtual rally.

Me:

Another example: what students are doing for Project Citizen

CyberPatriot3:

Participating through advocacy groups now normally coursed through various (Facebook is the most popular) social networking sites helps in making people more aware about the issues that matter. You can’t do anything or for that matter fight for anything at all without first having proper and sufficient knowledge about it. I believe actual physical participation say, in rallies or any practical activity for that matter and “slacktivism” (as it is popularly referred to nowadays) are mutually reinforcing. “Slacktivism” (without seeing it as a pejorative term) in fact augments efforts to mobilize people toward a certain direction or goal, whatever it may be. Social networking sites, doubtless, further animates, intensifies, and certainly expands public discourse that leads to the next level of engagement on the part of willing participants. That in itself is a very positive contribution.

CyberPatriot4:

People have commitments not only to this country but to their families as well. People will focus first on their day to day sustenance before they can focus on anything else… If a person can only air their protests on line, then thank God the forum is available for them.

Me:

I don’t have anything against Facebook campaigns or similar activities. I do recognize their value. MGG is on Facebook and Twitter for a reason. And I love public discourse. As I mentioned in my post, “Awareness and information are definitely key to any kind of social transformation…”

My simple point is this: Civic participation shouldn’t end with clicking a button or buying into slick marketing campaigns. It’s a start and I welcome it, but people need to do more.

It’s actually not that hard to do something that has direct social impact. For example, there are people who supposedly care about HIV/AIDS, but the most significant thing they’ve done is attend a benefit concert or join a Facebook cause. But there are concrete things people can do to help prevent the spread of the disease or help make the lives of HIV/AIDS victims a little better. I know people who organize seminars in barangays to provide information on safe practices etc. I know someone who organizes fun activities for HIV/AIDS victims to help make their lives a littler happier. I think it’s small things like that, pooled together, that are going to produce real change.

Ryan:

@CyberPatriot1 I think you need to step back and take a look at what people who use the word slacktivism as a pejorative are frustrated about. They are frustrated because slacktivists’ actions end after the press of a button. All guilt has been assuaged. They have done their part for the greater good, and announce it to the world via Twitter, Facebook, and friendster. “look at me, I are changing d world.”

Awareness is great, but what you decide to do with that awareness is what really matters.

And let’s be clear, there are slacktivists out there. While it may be romantic to think that these people spread awareness of an an idea, let’s be honest and admit that once that button is pressed most people don’t bother thinking about it anymore. And that’s fine. They have responsibilities, as your fellow cyberpatriot said.

However, I personally feel that if that’s the level of commitment someone can give to a cause, then he/she might as well be honest with and admit that he doesn’t care enough.

Dante:

I saw that a lot back in UP, when I was a student and later an instructor. Certain people have this peculiar compulsion to be ‘part of something important’ yet not actually do enough of the mental or physical legwork. And it would really be a cause du jour situation for them because they’d just cause-hop constantly, like following fashion trends. It’s less about the cause than it is about defining your identity.

(above image taken from Fcuk Earth Hour)

“I think that one of the greatest fallacies of our time — and one of the greatest leaps in logic that is made again and again by people who involve themselves in the worthwhile struggle to bring equality to all people — is the notion that awareness equals involvement. ” – Joshua Ellis, The Kitty Genovese Model

Excerpts from an exchange I had on Twitter that progressed onto e-mail:

Me:

I think Filipinos need to go beyond mere expressions of outrage/concern and actually do concrete things to contribute to society.

Jed:

Good point. But action begins somewhere. If they’re not willing to speak, how can we expect them to act?

Me:

If these aren’t followed by action, talk is cheap. I’m just annoyed by slacktivism.

Jed:

Before the word “slacktivism” was invented, there was a similar term used by those in The Movement to refer to the comrades or kasama who were averse to the more traditional modes of pagkikilos (e.g., rallies, organizing, immersions), and preferred more “intellectual” forms of activism like writing and educational discussions. These kasama were disparagingly called “Armchair Activists,” and it was also used by many in the Left to put down left-leaning “moderate” activists who did not interact with the masses and instead chose to fight for their advocacies from the comfortable, airconditioned rooms of their houses.

…Your views on slacktivism are shared by many, especially those like yourself who are really DOING SOMETHING to make the world a better place. To a certain extent, your opinion of people who engage in (to quote from the Wikipedia entry) “feel-good measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel satisfaction” like “signing internet petitions, the wearing of wristbands (“awareness bracelets”) with political messages, putting a ribbon magnet on a vehicle, joining a Facebook group, posting issue-oriented YouTube videos, altering one’s personal data or avatar on social network services, or taking part in short-term boycotts such as Buy Nothing Day or Earth Hour” is justified. Again, to a certain extent.

However, I’ve always subscribed to the belief that ANYTHING is better than outright apathy… Let’s keep in mind that no matter how disparaging the term “slacktivism” is, the word “act” can still be found in it––you just have to knock out a couple of letters to get it.

As inconsequential as these “feel-good measures” are, one has to give credit to the people doing these because at least they care enough to do something to assuage the guilt they feel from doing nothing at all. Kung tibak ka noon sa UP, magandang sign na yan. Freshmen students who wore issue-related pins (Ibasura ang TFI!) and attended EDs were considered ripe for organizing; writers who showed some concern for the marginalized in their essays in the school paper were potential recruits. If I were organizing today, I would look at my FB contacts who consistently join FB causes and post “issue-oriented YouTube videos” and invite them to an ED. Then I would invite them to another meeting. And another. Then I would ask them to do some small task––say, maybe, distribute flyers at a particular college––then another, until before you know it, sobrang involved na ang tao na sya na mismo gagalaw ng kusa.

I agree that people aren’t DOING enough, and that talk is CHEAP. But to get people involved enough to convince them to cross the huge divide that separates sentiment from concrete action, one has to take advantage of the means available to sow the seeds of true ACTivism. Kung ang rally o mobilasyon ngayon ay nakikitang laos na porma ng pakikibaka, dapat handa ang mga organiser na magbago ng stratehiya upang mapaunawa sa masa ang isyu at mapakilos ito. Kung tingin ng iba na ang social networking sites ay pwedeng gamitin para mapalahok ang kabataan, di gamitin natin.

Me:

I’ve got nothing against “intellectual” forms of activism. In fact, a lot of my activities would fall under that category… I spend a LOT of time talking about democracy and civic duty and social responsibility and volunteerism etc…

No argument between us on the importance of public discourse. You can’t care about things you don’t understand. Awareness and information are definitely key to any kind of social transformation. The more people who understand an issue, the greater their capacity to care about it. (Of course, it doesn’t necessarily follow that if one understands an issue one will have an emotional response and be moved to action, but understanding is a necessary pre-condition for meaningful participation.)

It’s not so much the “feel-good measures” themselves that annoy me. It’s the over-blown sense of self-importance of some of the people who engage in them. Go ahead and wear your IAmNinoy shirt or AkoMismo dog tag or who create a Facebook page for the cause du jour but don’t delude yourself that you’re making some huge contribution to society. Those “feel-good measures” have their place but let’s keep things in perspective. In the greater scheme of things, they mean very little…

I agree that caring a little is better than not caring at all. And that these token expressions of concern are opportunities to engage “slacktivists” in more substantial activities. I’m just petty and irate.

…I feel that if people just do what they can, in the place that they are, in the time that they have, collectively we can do great things.

Received through a social networking site:

Hi. Thanks for the time for at least reading my letter. I read your profile and you struck me as an interesting person.

I’ll be honest with you from the start about my status. I’m in a relationship right now but because there are people involved, I am choosing to remain in it even if my heart has no longer been in it for the longest time. I guess you can say life has dealt with me a 2nd best scenario if I can even call it that.

But I have so much to give emotionally speaking and, yes, romantically speaking as well. In my heart there is this void that has been there for quite a while now, and I must say I long to fill it up with the right person, someone who will accept my status and decide to pursue a relationship with me just the same. I have little demands given my situation. I only ask for time together when both of our schedules allow it. She may want to be exclusive with me or otherwise. I certainly have not the right to demand. I only ask that she be clean and safe at all times as I am, too.

About myself. I’m [full name], 35, about 5’7, 150 lbs., kind of chinito, very decent person, easy to get along with, good conversationalist, can make you at ease in less than 30 seconds even when you meet him for the first time…about the sensual stuff : well, modesty aside, I do know how to please a woman in the sack. As in really please her any way she likes, no matter how long she likes it, and how many times she wants it per occasion. I guess I have all kinds of stamina and desire and passion when it comes to that.

So how about we throw caution to the wind and explore what is there in store for us? We have nothing to lose but the time and effort to at least see what is there, right? At the very least, you can gain a friend, right? (even if that ends up as just the platonic variety…)

If you are interested, you can write me at [e-mail address] or reach me through [cellphone number]. I can only be reached through my cellphone from Mondays to Fridays, office hours, for obvious reasons. I leave it at the office when I go home

Of course, if you are not interested, just ignoring this message is a clear enough message. So you need not lift a finger and reply in the negative.

I asked him why he felt compelled to stay in the relationship if he wasn’t happy. He replied that it’s because he and his girlfriend have kids and he wants them to have “a normal family life at least during their formative years.” He said he was “making a personal sacrifice” by seeking liaisons outside of his relationship instead of just breaking it off. In which regard he hoped I was “open to explore a mutually gratifying relationship, however possible.”

As noble as I’m sure he thinks that is, IMHO he’s not really doing anyone any favors. He’s not being fair to himself, his girlfriend or the women he’ll be pursuing. He can still be a responsible father to his children without maintaining the relationship charade with their mother. Sounds to me like he’s just too spineless to break it off.

Of course, I don’t even know this guy and it’s not my place to judge. It’s just for some reason his predicament bothers me more than the fact that he propositioned me. He came off as kind of sleazy but unlike most of the guys who hit on me this way, I think he’s sincerely looking for more than just sex.

This isn’t even the first time a guy has said this to me.

I get messaged a lot by random white guys, and you’d think I’d be used to it by now, but they still manage to surprise me. They just keep getting weirder and weirder.

Woman of my dreams,

Do you believe that “reality” can limit has what we perceive, believe today, all the more with the last discoveries of point, like that of astrophysics, of Laurent Nottale for example, by its multivers (universe in onion skins, nests of dolls or parallel universes), or that of the theory of the cords and the great M?

We thus know never what is really possible and impossible. Also, we can be in this existence, as we can already have been it in another, or several other former existences, like being it currently in a parallel universe and to be it still in one or more future lives.

For me, by what I “reached”, that is an obvious truth but it is also field of what Buddhism names Mâyâ (Illusion) , by the wheel of died and the rebirths, and I acted, with many others, so that the whole of “expressed” is released some.

The love is the only guide. It includes the respect, freedom, the tolerance and excludes all negative behavior, like wanting to direct the others or to oblige them in a conditioned sociocultural behavior. The love prevents any domination on the other, like that of the adults on the children. (1) But especially, it is the guide which allows the passage and the guard of the failure, compared to oneself initially then with respect to the others. Then the possibilities come from the truth and freedom.

I am Enz, French painter, sculptor, designer, writer: frontier runner towards the shore. I want the division, without any exclusion, which is of geographical origin, social background, sex, age, generation, mentality, temperament… Each one can bring so much has each one. And it division is richer by the differences.

I must however say to you that, from my existential course, my individuation to reach it to Oneself, to employ the terminology of analytical psychology, or my alchemy “to carry out” the Philosopher’s stone, to speak about the Philosopher’s stone, or Wuxing, according to Chinese Zen, Mushin for Japanese, I am carrying a new ethics which makes all the more inadequate and alienating old morals.

I currently live in a village of France, at two hours of Paris. I also wish to have a residence and a workshop is in the United States, or in China or in a country of Asia, or that of the person with whom I will be accessory in the existence. I seek also the accomplice who could be my partner in my businesses related to my art and my writings.

You can be my wife, but you can also be my partner responsible for the businesses. In effect, I want to develop my activity by creations of great achievements for the companies, the department stores, and will cetera, and in the reproduction of my creations on utility supports (clothing, linen, crockery, pottery, furniture, and will cetera…). I currently seek investors.

I kiss you very pretty Aissa, with the hope which you will become my wife.

Enz

(1) To read “For decoloniser the child”, Gerald MENDEL, ED. Small Payot library)

I don’t even want to know what makes me such a magnet for the rich-white-and-desperate. I’m hoping it’s just because I’m female and I’m from the Philippines, and not because I exude the air of the exotic Angeles City bar girl whom the foreigners tend to fancy. Whatever it is, it’s not flattering.

This guy messages me on Facebook, “Hi, are you an actor?” I inform him that I am no such thing. He informs me that he is. O RLY?

Upon discovering that I am a teacher, he tells me that he’d like my opinion on a film script he’s working on that will focus on “the transnational lives of Filipino’s [sic] from the Philippines to America.” He asks me to “share some past stories that are translatable to the Philippine-American uprooting and settling process or Coming to America Experience.”

I tell him that I have no such experiences, since I’ve never lived in the United States. I’ve traveled there, but America is so familiar to me that I can’t say I underwent any sort of social adjustment or experienced any kind of culture shock. I suspect bullshit, but I’m polite. I even venture to be helpful, on the off chance that he actually is working on such a project. I tell him that he should seek out the Filipino communities in his area (he lives in California) and interview them. A little Internet research/asking around on his part will easily lead him to them. Another way to find them is to go to the Catholic churches and the universities. I give him a bunch of references on migration studies and some other useful information that he isn’t terribly interested in.

It becomes clear that he’s interested in me, not my advice on his alleged research. I ignore all succeeding messages. He repeatedly tries to add me as a friend and I reject the request each time. He can’t seem to take a hint.

Some of the messages I’ve received over the weekend from random white dudes:

1. LET ME BRING YOU TO THE STATES AND LIVE THE EASY LIFE WITH ME!
   His profile reads: i am 44yrs old whith blue eyes and lite browm hair.i am 5’8 and averadge to stocky build. I like sports,a great thick stake, cold beer on a hot day,the beach at night.bbq’s with friends allways a good time
2. you are my kind of woman… i am coming… to manila is three months. i have a lovely flower there already, lik you, but maybe we can all do a switcheroo…
3. This last guy is an an American living in the Philippines. I exchanged a few messages with him because he seemed semi-interesting and he wasn’t looking to hook up or whatever. He just wanted to talk about social and political issues.

But after a while he started to get annoying, accusing me of being “a member of the jaded, condescending Pinoy elites” who lacked “Pinoy-populist credentials” and boasting about his …insane loathing of Greenbelt; my preference for riding the MRT, jeeps and buses over cabs and chauffeured vehicles; or the fact that my greatest experiences in the Philippines were in Bicol, using jeepneys to hop between churches, volcanoes and rainforests, and ending each day with the best damn turo-turo ever.I told him that I’m unapologetic about my “elite/elitist background,” and I think that adopting “masa” affectations when I come from an upper middle class family and was educated at expensive private schools would be absurdly pretentious. One doesn’t require “populist credentials” to be concerned about the plight of the masses, to see oneself as part of a larger social fabric, and to feel a sense of responsibility towards one’s nation and one’s people.

He sent me a few more messages saying he wanted to meet up and get to know me better, which I ignored. His last message read, you’re so conyo and you served the most corrupt regime in the history of Southeast Asia

I replied, If “conyo” means I’m comfortable with my upper middle class background, then so be it. Taking public transport and eating street food doesn’t make you one with the masses and you need to get over your ridiculous bourgeoisie guilt instead of trying to drag down other people with you.You should instead take the time you’ve been using to obsess over me to brush up on your history, so that next time you can make a factual claim about Southeast Asian regimes. Also, corrupt or not, all governments need civil servants to accomplish various tasks necessary for the survival of the country. Administrators, accountants, lawyers, policy analysts, clerks etc. need to do their jobs regardless of who’s in power, because ordinary citizens need licenses, permits, and a variety of social services. A state is not anthropomorphic and cannot be equated to its chief executive.

I have no time or patience for your nonsense. Please don’t contact me again.

I hardly ever log on to Friendster, and when I finally do, I find this:

J wrote: hi.. i really find you cute.. and i hope it’s not too forward if i ask you’re interested with a fuck buddy.. just good clean sex.. no strings attached.. if you are maybe you can leave me your number and we can arrange a meeting in confidence.. my email is jx_alan@yahoo.com if you want to add me up friendster or contact me.

Ice wrote: I, on the other hand, find you completely repulsive. And is there any particular reason why none of your pictures show your face?

J wrote: since you already find me repulsive, whatever face is there won’t make a difference right? would’ve been cool if you were interested though…

Ice wrote: Well, you’re right, it wouldn’t make a difference. But it could be entertaining.

J wrote: i always fig’rd imagining how grotesque the front might be more entertaining for ya.. anyway sorry for being too forward.. was honest anyway right? just didn’t want to go all “hi-could-we-be-friends” crap and go all psycho stalker-ish.. hope you reconsider.. was hoping for a mutually benefiting adventurous arrangement that is both satisfying and enriching.. p.s. it’s not the grotesque but not brad pitt either.